Question Fail Day

When you're learning a language, awkward moments kind of come with the territory.

Take today for instance: I started reading a new French novel on the RER this morning (L'arrache-coeur, really good so far btw), and naturally ran into some words I didn't know. Rather than consult an oh-so-impersonal dictionary, I decided to ask one of the English profs what a few words meant on our way to class. The interaction went a little like this:

Me: Hey, can you help me with the meaning of a few words?

Prof: Sure, what are they?

Me: Um, let me check...(pulls out book, searching for the mostly frequently used unknown words)...how about "crottes de bique"?

Prof: What?

Me: (a little louder) "crottes de bique"? (points)

Prof: Ahhh....goat shit!

And "shit" was about what I was thinking, after having said that in a hallway full of students....

This isn't the first time something like this has happened, however. Once, when I was out in a restaurant with a friend of mine, I spontaneously decided to ask about a word that came up during one of the ads on TV.

Me: Ca veut dire quoi, flore ? (What does "flore" mean?)

C: (embarrassed, sideways glance) Euh...comment expliquer... (Um...how to explain...)

Me: (looking at her expectantly)

C: La flore c'est la bactérie dans les intestins mais aussi dans le (she lowers her voice to whisper and looks right and left) VAGIN (The flora is the bacteria in the intestines but also in the...VAGINA)

I had to snicker. I couldn't help it! Apparently "vaginal flora" exists in English, too, but I necessarily think of "flora and fauna"--wildlife and plants and such, and to think of such a vibrant and lush ecosystem existing in the vagina...well, it was quite amusing! (even if I admit it must be true on a microbiological scale).

Somehow, this all made me feel a bit like a child. How many hella awkward things must we have asked while growing up? Unfortunately I can't remember any right now, although I do remember the first time I experimented using my middle finger to point to people...

But why question fail day, you ask? The next two words I asked from my book turned out to be: 1. invented by the author, and 2. blotting paper. "Goat shit" was by far the most useful.

How do you manipulate the baguette?

It's been a long time. I'm annoyed with myself for not better cataloging my adventures, mostly because a lot of great stuff has happened, which, lacking a written record, is now sinking into the obscure depths of my memory. Here is a small taster, though:

I had my students prepare a short presentation on a holiday they celebrate with their family, and one chose the Chinese New Year. At the end, I gave the others a chance to ask questions, and one boy raised his hand.

"But..." he hesitated, thinking. "How do you manipulate the baguette?"

I was entirely baffled; I was imagining breaking bread, perhaps in some unique, creative way somehow connected to the Chinese New Year...but then I remembered. Baguettes is the French word for (among other things) chopsticks.

"Chopsticks!" I exclaimed. "How do you use chopsticks!"

Problem solved.

Another classic occurred today when I was asking the class to list characters in a royal court in medieval times. One girl suggested "valet". I replied that this was the middle ages, and there were no cars yet, but perhaps we could list "carriage driver." Little did I know, "valet" also means "knave" in French...

These are actually wonderful illustrations of how much you can learn about a foreign language simply by examining mistakes its speakers make in your own native language!